Should You Date Women Who Don't Have Friends?
By Andrea Madison
you've been dating her for weeks, maybe even months, and you've gradually begun to realize one very important and potentially awkward fact about her: She has no friends, or at least, very few of them.
There are many possible reasons for a woman's lack of a posse -- some good and some bad -- but before you freak out and question her status as a nerd or an outcast, consider this: Depending on the reasons for it, her lack of friends can work for or against you.
Below are five points that will clarify why she might not be heading out with the girls every Friday night, as well as some clever suggestions on how to handle it. With these tips, you should be in great shape to keep the situation under control, and most importantly, minimize the negative effects that her lack of a social life will have on your relationship.
1. She is a loner
Pro: If she is used to hanging out on her own, then it is unlikely that she will ever become dependent on you. Want to go out with the boys? No problem. Want a day on your own to watch sports in your pajamas? She won't care.
Con: If she spends much of her time on her own, she may have intimacy issues. This might not bother you at the beginning, when you are basking in the glory of endless nights out with your posse, but when it comes to finally making a commitment, she may be a little wearying.
2. She recently moved to your city
Pro: This is probably the least worrisome reason for a lack of friends, both because it is temporary and it has absolutely no bearing on her personality. It may even work in your favor: If she doesn't know too many people in the city, she'll have lots of time to spend with you.
Con: Until she meets new people to fill her needs and schedule, she may become dependent on you. For you, this will mean some handholding and emotional support until she finds the friends that she's looking for.
3. She doesn't get along with other girls
Pro: If she is more accustomed to communicating with guys than girls, she'll probably get along well with your buddies. So you don't have to worry about inviting the guys over for pizza and the game, because she most likely won't mind hanging out with them.
Con: Unfortunately, when a girl doesn't mesh with other girls, it often means she has jealousy issues or a nasty streak. She may create unnecessary friction with other females in your entourage, such as your female relatives, coworkers or friends. And these constant clashes will undoubtedly create tension between the two of you.
4. She lost touch with her friends because she devoted all her time to past boyfriends
Pro: While this reason might scare you off initially, it's not a completely bad deal for you. History tends to repeat itself, so you are pretty much guaranteed a devoted girlfriend from start to finish.
Con: A supremely devoted girlfriend will probably expect the same from you. She may want you to make all your plans together or tag along on all your outings. And the worst possible outcome would be if you started to lose your friends because of the sheer amount of time you are spending with her.
5. She is a workaholic
Pro: With an independent, career-minded woman, you are guaranteed to have your free time, regardless of whether she has an ample social life or not. She is too busy chasing after her promotion to keep tabs on you and what you are doing while waiting for her to leave the office. An added bonus is that you'll probably never have to worry about her becoming dependent -- financially or otherwise -- on you.
Con: While you won't have to compete with her friends for her attention and free time, you will have to fight it out with her boss and career goals, and in the long run, she may not make enough time for you.
minimize the damage
Any of the above scenarios sound familiar? Don't fret, because the following four tips will arm you with all you need to minimize the damage that her lack of friends can have on your relationship.
Discuss the issue early on. Set the tone for the future by making her understand that you need some time alone or with your buddies . Be understanding and considerate when you approach this conversation so she doesn't feel defensive about it.
Make sure to spend enough time with her. This way, when you want to head out alone or with your buddies, she won't feel neglected.
Help her make new friends. You can do this either by suggesting new activities for her, such as a yoga or cooking class, or by hosting some small parties so she can meet new people.
Go on double dates . Do this with one of your buddies and his girlfriend. If the girls get along, you can suggest that they try hanging out on their own.
a little help from my friends
Stop worrying just because her phone isn't ringing off the hook with social calls. Remember this: She doesn't have to be a social butterfly for you to make the relationship work. She just has to be understanding enough to let you continue on with your own social commitments, and by now you should be well-versed at how to achieve that.