Women Want A Sensitive JerkBy Victoria Holmes
A good friend of mine and I were talking about relationships the other night over drinks, when he looked at me and exclaimed in total exasperation, "I don't understand women. If we're nice, you relegate us to friend status and go for a complete jerk, and then come crying to us that you just want a nice guy. Are you insane? What do you want?" And that's when it hit me: all women want a sensitive bastard -- yes, that's a good thing. But what does this strange, sarcastic phrase mean exactly? How can you become the man that women can't get enough of? And are women insane? Read on and you'll soon understand everything. jerk appeal
The reason why even the sweetest of women gravitate toward the jerk at one point or another is because he exhibits certain qualities that appeal to women universally. Sane women are not ball-busters by nature and want a man who has a backbone and displays a healthy amount of testosterone. We can't help but be drawn to the jerk's confidence and the fact that he doesn't let people walk all over him or tell him what to do.
A relationship with a jerk usually gets ugly because he will inevitably take any sign of attachment from the woman he is with as a threat to his free-wheeling ways, and go out of his way to show her that he is, well, a jerk. For instance, if the woman mentions a concert she'd like to see with him in a month from now, he will interpret this as her wanting to be his ball and chain and will probably go out and find himself another woman ASAP -- without telling the ball and chain of course.
So, the woman ends up not knowing what happened and goes crying to her friends about wanting the antithesis of the jerk: the nice guy. But alas, he is also all wrong.
nice guy appeal
After being with the jerk, the nice guy looks really appealing. He is kind, listens and can't believe that jerk would cheat on a girl like her. But after he helps mend her broken heart, he suddenly becomes too nice. I mean, he watches chick flicks, goes shopping with her, and never says no.
The problem? She starts to feel like he is more of a girlfriend than a boyfriend, and finds herself longing for "a real man."
Hence the confusing conundrum. So which is it? What do women want? We want the best of both worlds. Call it a nice jerk if you will, but I prefer the term sensitive bastard.
Stay with me here. Johnny Depp was voted "Sexiest Man Alive" by People magazine in 2004. The key to his sex appeal? He is the ultimate sensitive bastard. On one hand, he has a bunch of tattoos, smokes like a chimney, marches to the beat of his own drum, and never feels the need to explain or apologize for his behavior; on the other hand, he is a family man who adores his wife, and plays Barbie with his daughter and trucks with his son.
What's my point? He exhibits the qualities that women like about the jerk, such as confidence, a backbone, and a devilish twinkle in his eye, as well as the sensitivity and kindness of the nice guy, without falling into either of these traps. By pointing this out, I am not implying that you should emulate his behavior; I am merely citing him as one of many possible examples of the sensitive bastard. So take a cue from the man and learn to walk that fine line.
the fine line
The way to keep the woman of your dreams interested in you and only you is to be sensitive while retaining your masculinity. Know when to be kind and understanding, and when to stick to your guns, so to speak. For instance, if she just got fired and is devastated, that is when you should be her shoulder to cry on and do something nice for her like rent her favorite comedy on DVD and watch it with her. On the other hand, if she decides to redecorate your place while you're away and you return to find that your bedroom is now really "pretty," it's time to sit your little woman down and let her know that she really shouldn't have .
The key is to avoid both extremes of the nice guy and the jerk. Don't be at her beck and call, but be there for her when she needs you most. Don't cheat on her, but go out with the guys and don't let her give you any grief about it. Don't ever let her think that she can tell you what to wear, eat, think, or say, but listen to and respect her opinion. You get the idea.
This way, she knows that you love her but that she can't walk all over you, which is the key to her loving and respecting you. Throw in a romantic gesture or two every now and then and she'll be so in love, she won't know what hit her. Think about it, if you give her the best of both worlds, why would she ever want to look elsewhere?
You have to trust me on this one because most women don't even know that this is what they want, but unless they are users or man-haters, it is. So don't listen to any more crap about women wanting Mr. Sensitive and falling into the arms of Mr. Jerk ; be the sensitive bastard they can't get enough of.