Is Casual Sex Worth It?
By Vanessa Burton
If there's one thing that men always ask, it's why women can't simply engage in an ongoing sexual relationship minus the emotional phase . "Eventually," they say, "all these chicks expect to have a relationship even though we had an understanding from the start."
Maybe some women do delude themselves into mistaking a romp in bed for an eventual walk down the aisle, but most of the assertive women of today are very aware of the difference between sex and love.
So how do you get a girl to agree to some simple rolls in the hay with no strings attached? Well, it's not as terribly difficult as one may think. There are certain rules that you must abide by so that your fling of the moment doesn't get the wrong idea.
The following are some things that you shouldn't say to a woman if you want to ensure that casual sex remains casual and that no one (namely her) eventually gets hurt by the situation.
no time for love
Although years of chauvinism have caused virtually everyone to believe that a woman who engages in casual sex is somewhat of a "loose" girl, the majority of us who have engaged in these "no strings attached" scenarios know otherwise.
Perhaps both parties don't have time for relationships what with work and/or school and/or friends. It's much safer to keep our hearts loveless and engage in some carnal liberation.
Everyone, at some point or other, likes to feel a warm body next to theirs -- caressing, licking and groping it. It's nice to feel the physical aspect of lovemaking even though the participants' only real goal is physical gratification .
avoid foot in mouth syndrome
So how can you ensure that the woman you only want to sleep with, doesn't mistakenly think that you're hinting towards a relationship? Well, for starters, don't treat her like something more than she is.
Now I'm not suggesting that you leave $100 on the night table before you leave, but don't cuddle with her and talk about the woman you're going to marry either.
Don't bring up anything that would lead her to believe that maybe you want more than just a casual session with her every once in a while. Women pride themselves on being able to read between the lines, so when you're in the midst of the après-sex conversation and you say, "When I have kids, they're going to be involved in sports," she hears, "I want you to bear my children."
You better be careful because men say things casually that they mistake as innocent, while women tend to be analytical -- so be wary and engage in after-sex talk at your own risk.
don't buy her gifts
Unless you're planning to buy a sex toy or some heated massage oil for your future horizontal mambos, don't purchase any gifts that are personal.
If you end up buying her three orchids because last time you were together, she told you that orchids were her favorite, she'll assume that you want more than just casual sex. And who knows, if you did buy her something because you know she likes it, then maybe you do actually want more.
don't fall into traps
The second she begins hinting at wanting more out of your trysts than just sex, or if she starts crying and telling you that you're just using her -- get out! Off the bat, the two of you had an understanding that sex is as far as the "relationship" would go and if she somehow believed that she could convince you otherwise, well then she has another thing coming.
If you attempt to explain that you never promised her a rose garden and her philosophy is "but I thought that I could make you love me," then walk away and don't look back. You may not realize it, but even merely discussing the issue has just put a damper on your entire agreement.
the meaning of sex
Most men probably don't realize it because they are so happy to be having sex without commitment, but sex without true emotion gets rather crusty quite quickly.
Engaging in one of the most sacred acts between two human beings and not putting any heart into it ends up cheapening the whole episode. Sex no longer holds that butterfly-inducing effect it once did.
So if you insist on settling for a casual understanding, ensure that you don't get with her too often, otherwise the sugar simply won't be as sweet.
keep up the search
As is the case with women too, most guys who have a "booty call" will not make as much of an effort as they once did because they know that lest they get shot down by the hottie across the bar, Easy Erika is just a phone call away.
The problem that arises from having a casual sex partner is quite common simply because you know that no matter what happens, you'll always have a stand-in for the evening. Unfortunately, you could end up letting The One pass you by, all because Mr. Wiggles is currently getting some anyhow.
Casual sex can be very fulfilling, especially for those of us that are way too busy to go gallivanting around searching for love. Even if your best friend finds the perfect Blind Date for you, perhaps you hardly have the time to take her out.
A relationship based on sex may not supply you with the emotional support that you need, but everyone craves physical love every now and again... and there's nothing wrong with that.
If you do, however, get involved in one of these casual liaisons, then beware of the possible repercussions and downfalls. After all, is it really worth letting Miss Right get away simply because you have a warm body ready to satisfy you when you beckon her?
Just remember, whatever you choose to do, protect yourself and watch out for number one.